Sylvia's long distance relationship blog

An LDR song that speaks to me

Whenever I hear this song, I get that bittersweet feeling that comes with long distance relationships.

From the Jimmy Kimmel Live show last week.

 

Before Midnight

Drumroll, please!

Enter Linklater's third part to the trilogy: Before Midnight  (as a follow-up to Before Sunrise and Before Sunset). The Guardian is being a little stingy with its movie rating, but according to the comments that follow the movie review, it might be well worth the watch. 

The Evolution of the Long Distance Relationship

An infographic by www.rounds.com

Another long distance relationship song "See you in the Spring"

This moving long distance relationship song is "See you in the Spring" by Jakob Dylan and the Court Yard Hounds. This one is edgier than "Hey There, Delilah," but I like it because it shows the disharmonious struggle that sometimes happens when trying to figure out how to together. I think the couple in this song should learn something about compromise or they might not ever manage to come together, don't you? 

 

A long distance relationship song "Hey There, Delilah"

I dedicate this song to Marcia and Joe :) Lately I've heard a couple long distance relationship songs emerge on the air. "Hey There, Delilah" by the Great White Ts is one of them. It has the kind of pining and anxiety that go hand-in-hand when you're braving your way through an LDR. Embedding isn't allowed, so you'll have to click on the "Watch on YouTube" link. I hope you enjoy listening to it. OH-OH: Embedding has been disabled, but you can still click on the YouTube link.  

Long Distance Relationship Guidebook review & LDR DVDs

Today I received in the mail a literary review from Writer's Digest for my published book, The Long Distance Relationship Guidebook, for entering it in a worldwide contest (alas, I didn't win the Grand Prize:). The following are the Judge's comments on what she liked the best about my book The Long Distance Relationship Guidebook:

You offer an interesting, needed, easy-to-read product. I like the personal stories (Case studies) sprinkled throughout, and the practical tips. The book's title are complimentary and front cover graphics helps portray romance.

So, while we're on the topic of romance, here are a few of my favorite romantic films for couples in long distance relationships:

French Kiss

The Holiday

Ladyhawke

Under the Tuscan Sun (Full Screen Edition)

Before Sunrise

The Princess Bride (20th Anniversary Edition)

Letters to Juliet

 Thanks for stopping by my long distance relationships blog!:)

Living apart after an incredible summer?

Two months ago I posted "Give Me One Good Reason," which listed 10 reasons for having a long distance relationship. A young Belgian guy recently wrote to me, saying he had just spent a summer getting to know and falling in love with a young woman, then had to part ways. I was moved by his emotional bravery and determination to make things work out despite the distance apart, among many other obstacles I'm sure they're facing.

And then I remembered...this is the end of summer when many travelers and students are returning home from their vacations. This is the time when the lucky, (and some might think cursed, but I prefer blessed) few who have fallen in love during past weeks or months must now say an uncertain farewell to each other. They don't know when and where they'll see each other again, but they know in their hearts and souls they are meant to be together and want to do everything in their power to make it happen.

After all, how often does it happen in a person's life that he or she falls so absolutely in love? How often in life are we honored to take such a risk? How often does it happen that nearly every passing thought brings to mind your other half, or when you think of him or her, the butterflies in your stomach do a whirling dervish? Maybe once or twice if you're super lucky. It's not just a passing fancy or some kind of silly crush. It's a heavy aching and pounding in the heart and stomach that goes on almost non-stop for days, weeks, months, and sometimes years. It's an anxious feeling that something is terribly amiss because your partner is not by your side. Even hanging up the phone on good terms can be unsettling; you're left with the final words of your lover's voice resonating in your head until the next time you talk with him or her.

But, this is love. It's love with obstacles and challenges and lots of distance. Remember, even couples who live together have their own set of problems, but whether together or apart, only love (and a lot of effort and discipline on both sides!) determine whether they will pull through.

There are several things you might be experiencing if this is the first time you are apart. Some of these things might be frightening or confusing, but it doesn't necessarily mean there is something wrong with your long distance relationship, your partner, or with your own feelings of love. It just means you must learn a different way and routine for now, in which you can show each other on a daily basis how much you love and mean to each other.

Here are some things I felt the first time after my partner and I went our separate ways after spending 5 weeks getting to know each other and falling in love:

• Love
• Euphoria
• Grief
• Anxiety
• Uncertainty
• Fear of getting hurt

The last four points don't seem to coincide well with the first two points, but it makes sense that if you are truly, deeply in love with someone who you've just met and happens to live on another continent, then there is also going to be an element of uncertainty and fear associated with investing your heart, soul, time, and money on an incredibly special person and relationship, only to lose him or her. The stakes are much higher in long distance relationships compared to non-long distance relationships because of the added time and money as well as emotional investment needed to make this relationship work, especially in the beginning when you are trying to establish a firm foundation. Whether you are together or apart, losing the love of your life is preventable if the feelings for each other, attitudes, and goals are mutual.

The advice I gave to Tijl, the young Belgian gentleman, is that although it's great that they regularly videochat in the early morning or evening, he should also find other ways to "breathe" each other throughout the day so that become entwined in each other's daily life. It's easy to get swallowed up in studies, work, and friends to the point where, although unintentionally, one or both partners gets shut out. So it's important to make a huge effort, especially for now while the relationship is new, to make your partner a part of your all day life in small pockets of time throughout the day. My chapter (Cruising Altitude) in my book The Long Distance Relationship Guidebook is packed with ideas for doing this. I believe this way of thinking and acting is what helped me and my partner get through the long hauls (up to a year at a time) for so long.

Readers, feel free to drop me a line anytime if you just want a little moral support. I know what you're going through. Thanks for stopping by my long distance relationships blog!

Sylvia

Poetry and romance

When I was writing my book, The Long Distance Relationship Guidebook, I had originally intended to include some poems that underscored each chapter topic. In the end, I decided to go with the international flight theme and so the poems didn't fit well in the book anymore.

  

However, I adore those poems and want to share some of my favorites with you. The following poem was sent to me by a great friend of a friend from .  This is the 2,676th poem in Man'yoshu, Japan's oldest and most highly revered collection of poems.

 

"Hisakatano amatobukumoni ariteshika kimiwobaaimimu otsuruhinashini"

  

"If I were a cloud which goes around in the sky, I could go see you every single day"

 

I love this poem. Just a few telling words give you that floating, intoxicated feeling of being in love, and the bliss you get from seeing your partner's face.

 

Since our location is Japan, I'd like to share interesting kanji symbols I stumbled across. Is it me, or do the symbols look like they're smiling?

 

Romance (Renai)    

 

Arj and Poopy "Long Distance Relationship"

If you're currently in a long distance relationship, you'll probably think this video clip The Long Distance Relationship is cute, witty and funny. Here is an adorable award-winning animation short I found on YouTube that is spot-on when it comes to sharing all the mixed feelings of someone in a long distance relationship who has been hit over the head with a loving frying pan.

This is Arj Barker's Long Distance Relationship, Winner of the 2005 Annecy Animation Festival. All you couples in long distance relationships, I hope you enjoy watching it!

  

Arj and Poopy: Long Distance Relationship

 

Long distance relationship? Give me one good reason...

to plunge into the intrepid waters of a long distance relationship. No, wait, I'll give you ten!

1. How often does the possibility of a great love come a person's way? In the eloquent words of the famous Lebanese poet Khalil Gibran, "When love beckons to you, follow him, though his ways are hard and steep." 

2. You have to take some positive-oriented risks if you want good things to come your way. Draw upon your deep-seated emotional courage to love and be loved, and allow yourself to get romantically swept up for once (given the signs look favorable).

3. Enjoy love the old-fashioned way has nothing to do with horse-drawn carriages or gas-lamp lights. Rather, loving someone from a distance can be very appealing to the romantic at heart. Writing long love letters, waiting unpatiently for a romantic reply, and daydreaming all harken back to the medieval days of courtly love.

4. Enjoy the most passionate, bittersweet, romantic, and exciting periods in your life. Long distance relationships can mean tearful hellos and goodbyes, steadfast vows, inspired exchanges of gifts, long stretches of honeymoon-like excitement, many beautiful stay-in-the-moment moments.

5. Reveal many aspects of your inner qualities and interests slowly over time that might not be exposed as readily in a non-long distance relationship.

6. Communication is easier, cheaper, and faster these days. What is your favorite way to talk with someone far away?

7. Travel is easier, cheaper, and faster these days. For instance, have you checked out the mega-travel search engine www.kayak.com for good travel deals?

8. LDR couples enjoy more guidance and support on the internet and in books these days. One of the more practical and well-balanced LDR guidebooks is my own, The Long Distance Relationship Guidebook, which is featured on this site and is sold through most online bookstores.

9. Being half of a long distance relationship means lots of wonderful excuses to stretch yourself in ways that otherwise in close proximity might be difficult. These include generosity of love and spirit, semi-reckless romantic abandonment, honing of verbal and physical expression, and the opportunity to iron out old destructive relationship habits before uniting permanently.

10. You only live once. How many chances do you think people get at bigger-than-life type loves?

What are you waiting for? Let's be brave and love that person with our arms open and our hearts full of hope.