Sylvia's long distance relationship blog

Creative wedding proposal for long distance relationship couple

This inspiring and creative film clip of a man's wedding proposal to his long distance girlfriend (lucky girl!) was created by David Pogue (New York Times technology columnist, Missing Manual publisher, and Emmy-winning CBS news correspondent). 7 minutes and worth every minute of it.

Campus news article on serious relationships

Here I'm quoted in another great article dealing with serious relationships written by the soon-to-be legendary university journalist Allison Duncan:

http://www.hercampus.com/love/together-forever-reality-serious-relationships-college

Campus interview on long distance relationships

Seems like more people are getting involved in long distance relationships these days. Here's a great  article on LDRs written by Allison Duncan for The University of Missouri "Her Campus" newspaper:

 http://www.hercampus.com/love/how-make-long-distance-relationship-work-over-summer

Thank you, Allison, for being part of the solution to this challenging relationship hurdle :)

A long distance relationship song "Hey There, Delilah"

I dedicate this song to Marcia and Joe :) Lately I've heard a couple long distance relationship songs emerge on the air. "Hey There, Delilah" by the Great White Ts is one of them. It has the kind of pining and anxiety that go hand-in-hand when you're braving your way through an LDR. Embedding isn't allowed, so you'll have to click on the "Watch on YouTube" link. I hope you enjoy listening to it. OH-OH: Embedding has been disabled, but you can still click on the YouTube link.  

Long Distance Relationships Interview

Long Distance Relationships Interview

 

Cassandra Kapp, an award-winning first-year journalism student at Northwestern University, recently interviewed me on the topic of long distance relationships.

 

What’s a long distance relationship (LDR)?

An LDR is a long distance relationship in which a couple regularly spends time apart from each other whether days, weeks, months, or years.

 

To me, long distance relationships are a kind of glorified relationship, one that is full of romance and excitement, and urgency and celebration, harkening back to the medieval times of courtly love Long distance relationships allow time for a couple to 'fully  ferment'. A strong loving long distance relationship is one of the powerful, awe-inspiring kind of relationship you may ever experience in your life.

 

Cultural profile of a student coming to college in an Long Distance Relationship:

Long distance relationships among incoming college students are more common these days because there are many cheap and fast ways to stay in touch. I think incoming freshmen started their long distance relationships in high school and doesn’t want to end it simply because their locations differ. I think it is a mature thing to do, to stay with that partner even though it may be personally and socially inconvenient at times. Making a dedicated attempt to stay together shows flexibility, a willingness to compromise, and dedication. All of these qualities are crucial for turning any ordinary relationship into an extraordinary one.

 

Now that it has become more affordable and common for younger people to travel, they do just that—travel across the world and wind up falling in love with someone from another country, most likely speaking a different native language. Normally these affairs might be labeled summer romances, but now since communications and transportation has become cheaper and easier, there isn’t a good reason for a couple to simply split up (if they are truly in love) unless they prefer only to be in a relationship in which their partner is physically present, or if they believe it is impossible to be together in the future.

 

What are some other qualities needed in a long distance relationship?

Love is necessary and having a romantic nature helps too, but also:

• Respect
• Determination
• Openness

Are college students more or less successful in maintaining long distance relationships than older folks?

I think if a strong love is shared by two people, whether young or old, then the couple will survive the obstacles. Older couples in long distance relationships, such as the ones serving the war overseas, often have practical reasons such as kids and a house, in addition to feeling a strong bond. However, when it comes to love in its purest form, I would say that college students are more successful at maintaining their long distance relationship than older people, simply because younger people often have more energy and passion in everything they do; they are hopeful and excited about love and believe in the good of its power.

 

How does long distance affect a couple in general?

Absence prevents the daily interweaving of events, big and small, in each other’s lives, which is crucial to feeling emotionally connected to each other. But with a lot of effort, you can interlock your lives together so that your relationship is resistant to vulnerabilities.

 

How do long distance relationships affect students in particular?

In addition to juggling school, work, hobbies, and friendships, a lot of time and energy is needed to maintain an LDR. Some people argue that non-long distance relationshipsare more time-consuming since the partner is present, but at least they can overlap their activities, such as eating and talking, or studying at the same time.

 

In my opinion, long distance relationships often cut into time a student should probably be studying or sleeping due to long hours many long distance relationship couples spend on the phone most nights.

 

Socially and personally: Some students find that their social life is imbalanced. If you’re too involved with your relationship because you’re always flying back and forth and glued to the phone or internet, then your LDR may overshadow your social and personal life.

 

Financially : Students don’t always have a lot of money left over at the end of the month or semester due to phone bills, flights, hotel stays or extravagant visits and gifts.

 

Academically : Everybody loves a good reason to put off writing a paper. When you’re having a problem that you’re not able to resolve in your long distance relationship, it can be very difficult to concentrate on the task at hand.

 

Emotionally and mentally : If you are in an LDR, you have to expect some ups and downs as in any relationship, except that in long distance relationships they can be more intense and frequent. These emotions and mental states include depression, jealousy, guilt, demotivation, distraction, and an inability to enjoy university life.

 

It can be a lonely path at times since the partner isn’t around to share all the triumphs and disappointments. On the other hand, it is important to remain grateful that they are blessed with having someone special in their life, even if he or she lives 3,000 miles away.

 

What advice can you give to students in long distance relationships?

Sometimes phoning and chatting aren’t possible when time zones clash and there you are sitting in class feeling distracted because your boyfriend who lives 1,000 miles away hasn’t contacted you in two days.

 

Find as many ways as possible to interweave your lives together so that it is as richly textured and tightly woven as if you were an emotionally close couple physically together.

 

Imagine a braided rope. Each strand symbolizes a way that you relate daily to your partner. One strand represents reach out to your partner, for example sending a postcard or a CD compilation. Another strand represents interacting with your partner such as phoning or video conferencing. The third way signifies synchronizing your actions, for example watching the moon or eating the same kind of chocolate at the same time. The more strands you use to braid your rope, the more resilient it will be to stress and strain. This idea of synchronicity is in the “Cruising Altitude” chapter my book The Long Distance Relationship Guidebook .

 

Any other advice for couples in long distance relationships?

Remember that even though things don’t go according to your expectations sometimes, that it doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong with your relationship or partner. Learn to express your concerns in a straightforward, calm way when you are not upset. Pour as much positive energy as you can into your relationship—make this time the most memorable and breath-taking stage of your relationship.

 

Please visit my long distance relationship blog again soon and share your own concerns and experiences.

 

I’ll leave you now with an inspirational quote: "Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you; they're supposed to help you discover who you are." ~ Bernice Johnson Reagon (singer, songwriter, historian).

 

Sincerely,

Sylvia Shipp

Author of The Long Distance Relationship Guidebook

 

 

Striving couples in long distance relationships!

It looks as though I haven't written on my long distance relationships blog for a month, but actually the comments on the last post have kept me busy with this blog lately, as well as the writing I've been doing on a historical fiction novel I'm trying to finish one day.

I have a proposal for all people in long distance relationships..please reply to this post or send a private email with a brief description of how you stay in touch with your partner. That means modes of communication, frequency, any communication rules you might have. I'll summarize your comments and post it here within the next couple weeks. It's my way of staying up to date with how couple use technology today to stay connected. Eventually, I'd like to update my book, The Long Distance Relationship Guidebook, but for now it works fine since the ideas in it are timeless and adaptable to most if not all situations and couples.

Living apart after an incredible summer?

Two months ago I posted "Give Me One Good Reason," which listed 10 reasons for having a long distance relationship. A young Belgian guy recently wrote to me, saying he had just spent a summer getting to know and falling in love with a young woman, then had to part ways. I was moved by his emotional bravery and determination to make things work out despite the distance apart, among many other obstacles I'm sure they're facing.

And then I remembered...this is the end of summer when many travelers and students are returning home from their vacations. This is the time when the lucky, (and some might think cursed, but I prefer blessed) few who have fallen in love during past weeks or months must now say an uncertain farewell to each other. They don't know when and where they'll see each other again, but they know in their hearts and souls they are meant to be together and want to do everything in their power to make it happen.

After all, how often does it happen in a person's life that he or she falls so absolutely in love? How often in life are we honored to take such a risk? How often does it happen that nearly every passing thought brings to mind your other half, or when you think of him or her, the butterflies in your stomach do a whirling dervish? Maybe once or twice if you're super lucky. It's not just a passing fancy or some kind of silly crush. It's a heavy aching and pounding in the heart and stomach that goes on almost non-stop for days, weeks, months, and sometimes years. It's an anxious feeling that something is terribly amiss because your partner is not by your side. Even hanging up the phone on good terms can be unsettling; you're left with the final words of your lover's voice resonating in your head until the next time you talk with him or her.

But, this is love. It's love with obstacles and challenges and lots of distance. Remember, even couples who live together have their own set of problems, but whether together or apart, only love (and a lot of effort and discipline on both sides!) determine whether they will pull through.

There are several things you might be experiencing if this is the first time you are apart. Some of these things might be frightening or confusing, but it doesn't necessarily mean there is something wrong with your long distance relationship, your partner, or with your own feelings of love. It just means you must learn a different way and routine for now, in which you can show each other on a daily basis how much you love and mean to each other.

Here are some things I felt the first time after my partner and I went our separate ways after spending 5 weeks getting to know each other and falling in love:

• Love
• Euphoria
• Grief
• Anxiety
• Uncertainty
• Fear of getting hurt

The last four points don't seem to coincide well with the first two points, but it makes sense that if you are truly, deeply in love with someone who you've just met and happens to live on another continent, then there is also going to be an element of uncertainty and fear associated with investing your heart, soul, time, and money on an incredibly special person and relationship, only to lose him or her. The stakes are much higher in long distance relationships compared to non-long distance relationships because of the added time and money as well as emotional investment needed to make this relationship work, especially in the beginning when you are trying to establish a firm foundation. Whether you are together or apart, losing the love of your life is preventable if the feelings for each other, attitudes, and goals are mutual.

The advice I gave to Tijl, the young Belgian gentleman, is that although it's great that they regularly videochat in the early morning or evening, he should also find other ways to "breathe" each other throughout the day so that become entwined in each other's daily life. It's easy to get swallowed up in studies, work, and friends to the point where, although unintentionally, one or both partners gets shut out. So it's important to make a huge effort, especially for now while the relationship is new, to make your partner a part of your all day life in small pockets of time throughout the day. My chapter (Cruising Altitude) in my book The Long Distance Relationship Guidebook is packed with ideas for doing this. I believe this way of thinking and acting is what helped me and my partner get through the long hauls (up to a year at a time) for so long.

Readers, feel free to drop me a line anytime if you just want a little moral support. I know what you're going through. Thanks for stopping by my long distance relationships blog!

Sylvia

Welcome to my long distance relationship blog!

I've decided to start a blog for couples who wish to strengthen their long distance relationship. Years ago, when my own  6 1/2-year-long distance relationship was still new, there wasn't much information on the internet or in books that helped LDR couples with their special problems and challenges. So I decided to write a book on long distance relationships that would help guide these LDR couples through good and bad times.

Since I want this blog to be as useful as possible in terms of helping you sort out your feelings and entertaining as well, in the coming entries you can expect to find many things that pertain to LDRs: practical advice, reflections on important issues, recommended books and activities, inspriational gift ideas, fun stuff to bring some levity to your relationship, and brief discussions related to my recently published book on long distance relationships.

 Here is my recently published book as listed on Amazon: The Long Distance Relationship Guidebook.

Hope you visit again soon!