Long Distance Relationships Interview

Long Distance Relationships Interview

 

Cassandra Kapp, an award-winning first-year journalism student at Northwestern University, recently interviewed me on the topic of long distance relationships.

 

What’s a long distance relationship (LDR)?

An LDR is a long distance relationship in which a couple regularly spends time apart from each other whether days, weeks, months, or years.

 

To me, long distance relationships are a kind of glorified relationship, one that is full of romance and excitement, and urgency and celebration, harkening back to the medieval times of courtly love Long distance relationships allow time for a couple to 'fully  ferment'. A strong loving long distance relationship is one of the powerful, awe-inspiring kind of relationship you may ever experience in your life.

 

Cultural profile of a student coming to college in an Long Distance Relationship:

Long distance relationships among incoming college students are more common these days because there are many cheap and fast ways to stay in touch. I think incoming freshmen started their long distance relationships in high school and doesn’t want to end it simply because their locations differ. I think it is a mature thing to do, to stay with that partner even though it may be personally and socially inconvenient at times. Making a dedicated attempt to stay together shows flexibility, a willingness to compromise, and dedication. All of these qualities are crucial for turning any ordinary relationship into an extraordinary one.

 

Now that it has become more affordable and common for younger people to travel, they do just that—travel across the world and wind up falling in love with someone from another country, most likely speaking a different native language. Normally these affairs might be labeled summer romances, but now since communications and transportation has become cheaper and easier, there isn’t a good reason for a couple to simply split up (if they are truly in love) unless they prefer only to be in a relationship in which their partner is physically present, or if they believe it is impossible to be together in the future.

 

What are some other qualities needed in a long distance relationship?

Love is necessary and having a romantic nature helps too, but also:

• Respect
• Determination
• Openness

Are college students more or less successful in maintaining long distance relationships than older folks?

I think if a strong love is shared by two people, whether young or old, then the couple will survive the obstacles. Older couples in long distance relationships, such as the ones serving the war overseas, often have practical reasons such as kids and a house, in addition to feeling a strong bond. However, when it comes to love in its purest form, I would say that college students are more successful at maintaining their long distance relationship than older people, simply because younger people often have more energy and passion in everything they do; they are hopeful and excited about love and believe in the good of its power.

 

How does long distance affect a couple in general?

Absence prevents the daily interweaving of events, big and small, in each other’s lives, which is crucial to feeling emotionally connected to each other. But with a lot of effort, you can interlock your lives together so that your relationship is resistant to vulnerabilities.

 

How do long distance relationships affect students in particular?

In addition to juggling school, work, hobbies, and friendships, a lot of time and energy is needed to maintain an LDR. Some people argue that non-long distance relationshipsare more time-consuming since the partner is present, but at least they can overlap their activities, such as eating and talking, or studying at the same time.

 

In my opinion, long distance relationships often cut into time a student should probably be studying or sleeping due to long hours many long distance relationship couples spend on the phone most nights.

 

Socially and personally: Some students find that their social life is imbalanced. If you’re too involved with your relationship because you’re always flying back and forth and glued to the phone or internet, then your LDR may overshadow your social and personal life.

 

Financially : Students don’t always have a lot of money left over at the end of the month or semester due to phone bills, flights, hotel stays or extravagant visits and gifts.

 

Academically : Everybody loves a good reason to put off writing a paper. When you’re having a problem that you’re not able to resolve in your long distance relationship, it can be very difficult to concentrate on the task at hand.

 

Emotionally and mentally : If you are in an LDR, you have to expect some ups and downs as in any relationship, except that in long distance relationships they can be more intense and frequent. These emotions and mental states include depression, jealousy, guilt, demotivation, distraction, and an inability to enjoy university life.

 

It can be a lonely path at times since the partner isn’t around to share all the triumphs and disappointments. On the other hand, it is important to remain grateful that they are blessed with having someone special in their life, even if he or she lives 3,000 miles away.

 

What advice can you give to students in long distance relationships?

Sometimes phoning and chatting aren’t possible when time zones clash and there you are sitting in class feeling distracted because your boyfriend who lives 1,000 miles away hasn’t contacted you in two days.

 

Find as many ways as possible to interweave your lives together so that it is as richly textured and tightly woven as if you were an emotionally close couple physically together.

 

Imagine a braided rope. Each strand symbolizes a way that you relate daily to your partner. One strand represents reach out to your partner, for example sending a postcard or a CD compilation. Another strand represents interacting with your partner such as phoning or video conferencing. The third way signifies synchronizing your actions, for example watching the moon or eating the same kind of chocolate at the same time. The more strands you use to braid your rope, the more resilient it will be to stress and strain. This idea of synchronicity is in the “Cruising Altitude” chapter my book The Long Distance Relationship Guidebook .

 

Any other advice for couples in long distance relationships?

Remember that even though things don’t go according to your expectations sometimes, that it doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong with your relationship or partner. Learn to express your concerns in a straightforward, calm way when you are not upset. Pour as much positive energy as you can into your relationship—make this time the most memorable and breath-taking stage of your relationship.

 

Please visit my long distance relationship blog again soon and share your own concerns and experiences.

 

I’ll leave you now with an inspirational quote: "Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you; they're supposed to help you discover who you are." ~ Bernice Johnson Reagon (singer, songwriter, historian).

 

Sincerely,

Sylvia Shipp

Author of The Long Distance Relationship Guidebook

 

 

Comments

[samuel christian]

What an interesting post to read, thanks for bringing it up.

[Eloise]

Hi Sylvia, i'm looking your blog for 2days now and I've ordered ur book yesterday.
Both of them give me hope. I'm new in the LDR's world and I'm not confident with that already.
[this is good]

I live in Belgium and my boyfriend in Switserland. It's pretty close but my bf is young, 20, and I'm his first girlfriend. I'm quite scared cuz i'm really motivated, I could go to Switserland twice a month for the week end but I dont know if he's ready for that, for now, he has just started college, like to hang out with friends and we never speak about "the next time we will see each other again". I dont dare to ask him cuz he could be afraid, I dont know.. I hope it's gonna work, but there is a lot of "unknow", I dont know what to do, do I have to tell him everything, maybe scared him with my strongs feelings? Plz, give me some advices !

[Sylvia Shipp]

Hi Chelsea, thanks for your comments. I'm glad to hear that you guys are willing to take the LDR route while you go off to a 4-year university. As long as you're both committed to staying together and are able to keep insecurities to a minimum, this time apart could be magical for you both. Think of it as a chance to cherish each other and express your love in ways that would feel too over-the-top or cheesy if you were always physically together. Chelsea, feel free to write again whenever you want or need more insight; I'm usually around. :)
I wish you two all the best. Keep in touch. I'd be delighted to hear more from you about how things are coming along down the road.
Sylvia Shipp

[Chelsea]

Hello,

I know this post has been up for quite some time, but I came across it today and wanted to thank you for sharing this interview. As a college student myself, I will be transfering this fall out of my community college to a four-year university. My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for about two years now and are determined to make the long distance relationship work while im in school and he is still at home. It's nice to know that there is hope for everything to work out and that as long as both of us are committed long idstance relationships can work. Thanks for the encouraging words and helpful hints :)

[Account Deleted]

Hi,
Nice Blog.
Well I live in USA. I am also indulged in a long distance relationship. I am a student and traveling around every week is near to impossible as I have budget limitations. And I do not think that talking on phone or via any medium can take this relationship very far. i think I should quit.

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[Caeri]

[this is good] I found this interview very informative and practical. Many people do not understand that although a long-distance relationship is not the easiest experience, it can be done, and often the results are stronger bonds with your partner. I didn’t use to understand the mentality behind long distance relationships; to me a relationship is based on seeing, touching and spending time with someone, all things that cannot be done when the other person is thousands of kilometres away. Studying at a small-town university far away from major cities in South Africa has exposed me to many students whose relationships with partners back home are surviving the distance. In particular, one student’s story helped me to empathise with those in long distance relationships. Her name is Taryn Nortje, and you can read her profile on my blog. It is an inspiration to many others in situations like hers.

[Robert]

[this is good]

Hi,

I am writing from Australia where we are currently in pre-production for a dramatic and emotional television series about couples living in long distance relationships.

If you are currently in a long distance relationship and have an interesting or compelling story to tell about how you met, how you keep the relationship alive or how you plan on being united in the future, we would love to hear from you.

We are interested in finding suitable applicants who are willing to make the journey to Australia (at our expense)